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Tweens and Teens
Reply to "If you divorce when kids are teens "
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would guess--and would hope--that neither your ex or your child will put your cheating in the past. You sound horrible.[/quote] Wow. As I mentioned above, I didn't have an affair. I'm curious why you think I sound so horrible? [/quote] I am a different poster and agree you sound awful. 50/50 is always crap for the kid. Your posts are all about you , and not paying child support seems to be your main goal.[/quote] Well I guess I just don't understand where you get that from my posts. We're all entitled to our opinions but I wonder if yours is somehow based on or influenced by personal experience. It doesn't matter because I'll just end it all with this: My personal belief is that 50/50 is always in the best interest of the child. I'm sure you could find credentialed people to provide supporting or contradicting evidence. But I strongly believe that the best people to parent a child are the parents, and TOGETHER, even if they are divorced. So they should work to put aside their differences and do just that. Sure, there are many men who do all they can to manipulate custody with the primary goal to pay the least support possible. But guess what? There are MANY women who do exactly the same in order to get the most money they can. To think otherwise is blind naiveté. I have never denied my daughter anything she has asked for, even when it has been a financial stretch for me. I am an active dad who participates in her life and is assistant coach/chaperone to her main extra curricular activity. I cook her meals, make her lunches, and often do her laundry when she is busy (her laundry is one of her chores). I stay home for three days from work and take care of her when she's sick because she comes first. I make sure we connect and I ask her casual questions about her life to make sure she is ok, and that she knows I am always here for her to listen without judgement (something you might try). You might also find it interesting that when she calls me in tears because her mother has had yet ANOTHER over reaction or emotional meltdown over some small thing and is screaming at her calling her a b*tch, I do ALL I can to let her know she is loved, calm her down, and encourage her to work it out with mom. I also offer my ex whatever I can to help her deal with the situations better; whether that means standing firm and not allowing our daughter to escape to my place, or having her come over to allow steam to blow off for them both. I have never EVER said one negative or disparaging word about her mom to her or within earshot. And just so you know, my personal opinion is that my ex is a nut job who has emotional meltdowns when someone sneezes. She's effing pathetic. But a child is equal parts each parent and to belittle or disparage the other parent in front of the child (even a teen) is to insult part of the child, so I don't do that. I wish the same courtesy had been extended to me. So in the end, maybe you should consider there are divorced dads out there who make parenting their number one priority and want to have 50/50 because they know these years are crucial in building a foundation for a relationship that will last a lifetime and is one of the most important relationships EITHER the dad or the child will have. There are many stereotypes in divorce as there are in life, and no person is all good or all bad. So the best thing for the child is to spend equal time with both parents and hopefully everyone will do their best to be their best, and everyone will learn a new relationship with each other; dad and child, mom and child, mom and dad. I can say from seeing other situations around me that making this situation work is far better for the child than many intact families I see that are horrible ground hog's days of muted misery for everyone involved. [/quote] You are an epic failure as a father. You failed at the most important part: picking a good mother. Given the fact that the majority of mothers are great and would do anything for their kids there must be some selfish reason you chose her over a good woman, I.e she was rich or “hot” or “good in bed.” [/quote] The person advocating 50%/50% is always the best options is terrible. Every situation is different and I think the kids should have say. [/quote]
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