Reply to Do I have any recourse in dealing with a bratty nephew?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My nephew is a brat. Not all my nieces/nephews are brats, most are polite and super easy going. But this one is. He is 11. It's not a phase.

Because his family is visiting, I will end up driving him around a few times. That's fine. In my car, the rules is that all electronics must have the sound totally off, or you must use headphones. He will give me crap about it, and constantly complain. And constantly disobey. I tell him the sound must be OFF, not low, because I am driving and that's comfortable for me while driving. He'll keep putting it back on.

Last time, I treated all the kids to one of those "Escape Room" type things. He complained the whole time, why we didn't choose one of the other scenarios, after repeatedly explaining that the different time slot did not work out for any of us. He complained about it the rest of the day. The other kids loved it and had no complaints.

He'll complain that there isn't any rice or french fries at thanksgiving... and will just eat corn. Sorry, I have enough to do and make and clean - I'm not making you rice or french fries because you won't eat mashed potatoes or turkey or anything else but corn.

His parents aren't nitpicky, but they don't do anything about his bratty or rude behavior.

Can I just take his phone and put it in the trunk when I'm driving? I know I'll get sh!t from brother and SIL, but the kid's brattiness is their fault.

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I also think this is likely anxiety.  It might not completely change the way you deal with it but it is important to keep it in mind.  You might try to keep yourself from thinking of him as the "bratty" one and try giving him some positive attention/vibes upfront.

I also bet you that this is the kid that will suddenly say to you five years from now, "Do you remember when you took us to that Escape Room?!  I LOVED that!"[/quote]

OP here. Thanks for this. I’m willing to give it a different thought, but [b]I don’t understand how constant complaining and lack of gratitude can manifest as anxiety. 
[/b]
And yeah, maybe I come across as a bit harsh, but it’s non stop negativity, complaining, and disrespect. And the parents don’t do anything except offer a half hearted “Jimmy, it’s aunt larla’s car” at most. He is an only child. I know most only children don’t fit the stereotype, but he does. And it’s always been that way. I could not imagine being rude to a grownup as a kid - it’s a matter of respecting other people’s things (my car, my rules) and saying 'thank you.'  I’d appreciate insight how this manifests as “anxiety."

[/quote]

For one thing, children don't react like adults do, so it's not surprising that if you have anxiety, you would react very differently.
It is also probably that if you had anxiety, what you would do is turn down one or more of the activities during this family weekend, and take some time to yourself to recharge. A kid doesn't have that power, so if he's anxious before arriving at grandma's the first evening, it is just going to multiply over the course of the weekend. Ultimately, he won't even be able to say there's a particular thing or event he's anxious about (if he even could to begin with). Instead, he's just going to feel a little crazed, and upset, and have knots in his stomach. And he's going to look for something causing that discomfort, which will be whatever the source of the latest excitement is.

When he says he wants to eat corn, that's his way of trying to exert some control and calm himself down. We smile at adults who "need" alcohol to survive family events, but give kids very little latitude to do anything to control their environment.

OP, you're already worried about how badly he's going to irritate you; can you not imagine that his 11-year-old mind is also turning over all the ways people are going to find him problematic on Thanksgiving and wishing he didn't have to go?

Adult anxiety is recognized as a condition that needs treatment, but adults with anxiety will tell you that even on medication, new or exciting events, especially those where they have no access to their own things and own routines can cause decompensation. It's the same for children, but they lack the insight to recognize it and tell you that's what's going on.[/quote]
Yes, Jesus thank you pp. [/quote]

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