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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP you sound immature. So does the tux douche-bag poster.

In any event, now that most of our circle is in their 40s, i think i can use hindsight to see what traits at 29 took friends down the loser versus not loser path.

The ONLY things i think the "non loser" men had in common 20 years ago is:

- Hardworking
- Kind

Seriously. That's it.

I look at our circle of successful marriages (happy partnerships, still love each other, limited resentment, no real financial worries (anywhere from middle class to super rich)) and i can think of guys who, twenty years ago:
- were student poor
- were minimum wage poor
- "only" made $50k
- didn't go to college
- played video games (they all did)
- slept in (they all did)
- didn't tend to appointments (common)
- didn't have a tux (horror!)
- slept in late (this is also really common. DH and i were always 10:30am on weekends in our 20s!)
- don't read (DH still doesn't read books!)
- don't eat well (ahh to be 20 again and eat like shit)
- didn't have married friends (most of our circle went to grad school, which really pushes off guy's marrying age to their 30s)
- didn't keep their apartment clean or lived in dirty group houses

None of these are red flags at 29.  Age 29 is a time when a lot of people are still in their life-building years and making sacrifices for the future.

But if i were a guy and knew OP were keeping checklists like this, I would think she was a major loser.

PS on the mom thing, i don't think that makes him a loser. But it is a red flag to be aware of if you are considering marriage.  That mom will always be hovering.   [/quote]

I completely agree.[/quote]

Me too.  Now that I'm of an age where so many friends are going through their first divorces, it seems really petty to dismiss a person who doesn't have a passport in their 20s. You want a partner for life, not a partner for now.  There are more difficult situations in life to navigate than black tie events and brunch, and if you can take a look far into the future, you'll want a good communicator who is kind, emotionally available, and hard-working.    [/quote]

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