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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]FWIW I am in a similar position and I decided to step back and let pushy sibling take over. My mental and physical health was being affected and realized parent in better health would agree. I suspect the whole thing falls apart within a year and then maybe my ideas will be revisited. Sometimes stepping back is the better decision for all. I felt guilty for a week and now am fine. When a parent is so old and is already receiving care the minutia to fight over just not worth it.[/quote]

Honestly, taking a step back seems like the most reasonable approach here. Even though E thinks the mom would get better medical care in a facility, you don't point to inadequacies with the current set up. Also, and I mean this in the nicest possible way - she is 90 years old with dementia. Based on my experience with my grandmother's dementia - she's not coming back from that, regardless of whether she's in a facility or has assistance at home. It's not like some illness that she'll recover from and the quality of care can make a significant difference in the outcome/recovery. If everyone else is insistent that she stay in the home, E may have better traction if E pushes for around the clock care, so that if something does happen, someone is around to respond quickly.

In the meantime, E doesn't have to spend E's time and energy doing chores around the house or babysitting the mother over the weekend. Those are totally optional tasks that E can legitimately opt out of. If the other siblings perceive of it as a lack of equal contribution, I recommend that E remind them that, given that the mother has the money to fund it, it's totally optional for them to be doing that work themselves. If everyone refuses to go along with A's plan, I'm sure A will re-evaluate whether A can do it all themselves or if it suddenly becomes worth it to pay someone. A is getting away with their stance because they have free labor pitching in. [/quote]

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