Reply to Husband made plans without me Thanksgiving morning

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The "wifey" comments come from you being all, "oh well now I'm apparently now cooking by myself for his friends, woe is me."

If my husband thought for one second I was doing literally all of the Thankgiving prep/cooking *for his friends* while he went golfing, I would laugh and lauuuuugggghhh.

If he wanted to golf, fine. I'll be doing turkey, stuffing, pecan pie--because that is what matters to me. He can either get his ass home in time to do the rest, or not. I don't really care. Not my friends, not my problem.

[b]But you seem resigned to him just unilaterally deciding to peace out and you holding the bag (of stuffing mix).

Well, if you're too subserviant to say HELL TO THE NO to this bullcrap arrangement, that's your choice. But you don't get to be a martyr about YOUR CHOICE. [/quote][/b]

+100.  Part of why you run plans by each other is to avoid scheduling conflicts and to not leave your partner holding the bag.  My DH is the main cook in the family and I can’t imagine any world in which he is doing all the holiday prep for my family while I am gone all morning without the kids for plans we didn’t discuss ahead of time. Remember, you teach people how to treat you.

[/quote]

OP here. I agree with this. The problem is that one set of plans was discussed and agreed upon (having his friends over) and one wasn't (him checking out the entire morning). So I'm in a fix. They shouldn't be treated to a crappy dinner because my husband is a jerk.

But I have no intention of martyring myself. I guess I'm not presenting myself well - when I say "guess I'll be prepping myself" I'm being slightly sarcastic because that's totally what he thinks/expects. But I'll present him with a list of things he has to do, or else cancel on them I guess. I won't actually do the whole thing myself.

And to another PP. We live on a golf course. He plays all the time. It's not "one day of fun." It's all the time for him, and I couldn't care less the other days.

OK, thanks all. [/quote]

You're not "in a fix."

Open your mouth, tell him that you do not intend to slave away while he golfs for his friends, and if he wants you to assist with entertaining his friends, he'd better sit down with you and divide up the labor. Or else he can call his friends and cancel. His choice. Not your "fix," not your problem.

If he can get his items done before or after the golf outing, fan-flipping-tastic. But you are not doing 100% of the work while he swans around on a golf course. The only fix you need to contend with is fixing your mouth to tell him "Hell to the no."[/quote]

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