Reply to SIL told me I’m breaking her family up

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is our second therapist.

Our first one also told us that I need to not hold DH accountable for his family's behavior/actions. He cannot control them.  [/quote]

No, he can't.  But he can control his own actions.  And what he is doing is demonstrating that, actually, it is okay for him family to treat you this way, because there are, at most, temporary consequences.  He'll get mad for a while, they'll be on their best behavior for a bit, and then it can all go back to normal.  He tells them to be nice to you because you are "sensitive," which sort of tells them that their behavior is fine with him.  And he expects you to be around these people, and make nice, because he doesn't want to have to impose any real consequences.  Like leaving immediately when someone says something beyond the pale.  Like not spending holidays with them because they are not kind to his wife.

Personally, I would refuse to spend any time with these people.  He can decide whether he'd rather spend the holidays with me or them, but I'm not taking that level of garbage from them.  [/quote]

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