Reply to parents of unpopular kids - how do you stop feeling sad?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Oh OP, I'm sorry.  I know it hurts.  Did she have any pals from elem. school?  Are they maybe kids she can reconnect with and invite over?  FWIW, I ended up making my BFF half-way through my first year of jr. high.  It was a girl who at first I was a little put off by, I thought she ran with a fast crowd (whatever that means in 7th grade!).  But it turned out that was all talk and we ended up finding out we had a lot in common and hit it off.  Maybe you can reassure DD that it's still early in the new school year and there is probably someone in one of her classes she'll connect with.

Until then I'd keep her busy with extracurriculars.  That's what I did with DS who had a rough go of it socially in MS.  We were a small majority from our ES who fed into a different MS from most of his 5th grade, and it was hard for him to break into any of the groups that carried over.  So I completely get it.[/quote]

this is exactly our situation. how long till friendships become stronger?[/quote]

I was also that kid, and a lot of activities--church related, school-related, outside of school--kept me busy. Since I was in band, that took care of going to high school games. Acquired one friend in high school, another very quiet girl, I hung out with a lot the last couple of years of high school. And I would have contacts with kids from my school in connection with our parents' get togethers. But keep in mind, childhood and teenage friendships MAY become deep friendships, but not necessarily. The friend I acquired went a different direction than I after high school, we had occasional contact, and eventually it faded out altogether. My lifelong friends are mostly people I know from college, and one high school classmate I stumbled into a few years after high school who had left her crowd behind.

The downside? I missed out on the keggers. Which was also the upside!

But you might want to watch for self-esteem issues regardless. I went through many years feeling like there was something "wrong" with me on some deep level that was the basis of the general friendlessness. It did make me vulnerable to some very bad treatment by the opposite sex during my young adult years. Several years ago I saw an article about people who feel stigmatized as children (whether or not other people impose that on them) as something that can really affect people longterm.

I don't know how aware my parents were of this. They had both grown up in farming communities with very small schools, and were also from large families, so excluding anyone was really not much of a possibility. The idea of intentional socializing would have been foreign to them. [/quote]

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