Reply to SO: Thoughts on sister and her DH buying a house with my mother?

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Reply to "SO: Thoughts on sister and her DH buying a house with my mother?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would probably consider having mom sell the current apartment once she's sure she no longer wants to live there and then paying rent to sister and her husband to allow them to afford a larger apartment, if the goal is for mom to live with sister and her husband. No downpayment assistance, though.

Assuming this is an apartment that is paid off except for the monthly fees, though, it's also worth considering whether it's cheaper for her to stay there and have someone to help with the various upkeep tasks. It may well be.[/quote]

This.  Your mother needs her assets to be accessible for her own needs, including long term care.  If she needs a nursing home it will be a disaster to have her money tied up in a house.

[b]I think the posters attacking OP are ridiculous.  Why should a 70 year old need to subsidize this purchase for her child when she doesn’t have money for herself.  [/b][/quote]

There's a complete disconnect here.  You raise valid points regarding whether this is a good ides *for the mother*.  But that has nothing to do with why people are attacking OP.  Her concern here is pretty apparently only for her inheritance, and what she can get for her kids, not for what is best for her mother.  *That* is why she's being attacked.  [/quote]

BINGO!

For those who missed it, the tipoff was when OP said:

[quote]Needless to say, I’m deeply concerned about what such an arrangement would do to my future inheritance, and I somehow don’t see my sister’s motivations as 100% altruistic. (I’m sure she’d love $1 million invested in a shared townhouse.). But I can also see how such a living arrangement could be beneficial for my mom. [/quote]

The conflict here, in OP's own words, is between OP's "deep concern" for her future inheritance vs. a living arrangement that could be beneficial for OP's mom.

[/quote]

Look, there's absolutely nothing wrong with OP wanting clarity on the inheritance point. Although her mother can do what she wants, it's a major family financial issue that affects multiple people. For example - if her sister buys the house and will inherit the whole thing (leaving OP with nothing) then OP likely would be justified in paying a smaller share of her mother's support needs if they arise. It's also important that her mother understand the implications of continuing to have all her assets in real estate, and the inheritance implications. The "say nothing about inheritance" crowd fails to realize that people don't always think this stuff through clearly so it has to be talked about. And, by attempting to stake a claim to their mother's assets now, OP's sister is really the one who started off acting in an entitled way. OP has no moral obligation to remain silent here. [/quote]

The one who is going to live with and care for the mother is the entitled one?  Only on DCUM.[/quote]

Absolutely. It's not clear if OP's mother even wants or needs the sister's help at this point.  Apparently the mother is basically fine in her apartment, but the sister (substantially for her OWN benefit) wants her to move out and buy new property together.  It's absolutely fair for the child who does the bulk of the eldercare work to get a bigger share of the inheritance, but it's not at all clear that that's what's going on here.  And it's premature too.  Who knows if the sister will actually do the work when the time comes.  [/quote]

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