Reply to How to make sure DH and I are not a burden on our children someday when we are elderly?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I actually think the financial piece is the least important.
What I observe with my in laws- who have PLENTY of money- it's about being an emotional, logistical burden.
Having the money for the best care in the world, but refusing to implement it.
Expecting your children to drop their lives for your every whim.
Asking your children to do things  that should be handled by medical professionals.
Not willing to be resourceful- like asking your children to take you to xyz place, when you could very easily figure it out otherwise (community shuttle, uber, aide)[/quote]

OK this sounds like my parents, BUT I disagree with your first sentence. As much as it has been hell trying to get mmy parents to face reality and spend, we are enormously fortunate, we don't have to dig into our retirement and our kid's college fund to support them. We have friends who divorced and the final straw was they never talked about the fact the wife expected to follow family tradition and have mom live with them and be supported by them. The husband was already livid over how much money the wife had been sending mom every month to support her in retirement. We know quite a few people who ended up in marital therapy dealing with the financial burden of their older generation. What happens if you have a medical emergency of your own. You could go bankrupt if you were busy paying for your parent's issues and then you have an issue of your own.

Money is huge. Facing reality is huge. Being willing to spend it on proper care is huge. Without money though it can truly be a disaster unless the elderly person a ray of sunshine who brings light and love to the home rather than grumbling, criticism, endless accusations, complaining and outbursts.[/quote]

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