Reply to Marriage counselor told us we need to make time for us

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[quote=Anonymous]Your husband is right.  You have effectively turned him into a long-term sperm donor.  You have interposed your children between you and that has been an emotional pry-bar keeping the two of you apart.  And despite the fact that you have have resisted any efforts to bring your marriage back together, you refuse to acknowledge your part in this.

On average, children should not be room sharing with their parents beyond about 2 years of age.  There are exceptions (typically first born) that go to 3 or maybe 4, but 5 or 6 is just ridiculous, especially for 2nd and successive children.  The fact that you have four children and essentially have never had a private bedroom for the two of you since you married is a huge red flag.  It's not about the children, it's about your inability to let go of them, let them grow up and share true intimacy and private time with your husband.

If you only had one or two children, having multiple activities is not unusual.  Once you have 3+ children, you really can't have multiple activities for all of them and still have any type of family life.  Not only do you two never see each other, but when do your children see each other and actually have sibling or family time?  If you are carting all of the children around to ferry their siblings to activities, then you are doing them a disservice.  You need to have home time for the family without the rushing to and fro.  The children need time at home without rushing to and from their and their siblings activities.  Have them each select the must have activities.  The 16 year old, even with ADD, is old enough to Uber home one day a week if he really needs one more activity that you can't coordinate the chauffering, but you don't think he's old enough to drive yet.

I am completely with your husband that you are refusing to make compromises to save your marriage.  You have clearly placed your children and their luxuries above the necessities of your marriage.  If your marriage dissolves, you are entirely to blame.  Your husband has made the sacrifices to meet your list of requirements, but you aren't willing to make any concessions to his list of requirements.[/quote]

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