Reply to Husband needs to be better father - how to articulate, or maybe I shouldn't?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here- thanks for the replies. I was expecting some people to come down on me. I had a really special family and fairytale childhood, so I think my standards are too high. To answer some questions from above...

He was not an only child.
His father was absent from his life. 
[b]This is about his emotional bonding with his kids [/b]and not about sharing the load of household duties. 
Perhaps he is a normal guy, as some have expressed, so maybe I should adjust my expectations. My experience with my own father, grandfather and uncles is not that they were just “normal guys” who got a pass from going above and beyond as fathers. 
I do not want my husband to be my father. I was comparing his actions to those of my father because that’s my only point of reference for fathering. And my father was a great one. Nothing wrong with that. 
I am not a SAHM, but I do put a lot of effort into parenting. I only get them for about 18 years. Why wouldn’t I put my all into it?
[/quote]
You don’t get to dictate this.[/quote]

You don't get to say how he bonds emotionally with his children.  My husband and I do it differently, but we each appreciate that we're doing it in our own ways.  Now, if my husband's way of "bonding" was to ignore the kids until they were 18, I'd have an issue with that, but otherwise you need to respect that he's a different person than you are and he's going to do things differently.  The run thing was stupid, but if that doesn't happen a lot, then let it go.  You should have said something about it in the moment, so be ready if he does something like that again.  I have said and done some boneheaded things before and my husband generally let me know that maybe I could think about it a different way and I realized he was right.  [/quote]

Funny, my husbands father “bonded emotionally” with his sons via Co-dependency and playing Good Cop to the mother’s actual parenting and house rules.

Lots of unwind for my husband in terms of doing actual parenting and child rearing- not just sneaking cake, watching too much Tv, and staying up late like his father would “parent” in order to win his children’s love. 
Unfortunately for my husbands brother he never left the nest and the Co-dependency continues in an unhealthy, serious, maturity-killing way for both of them, the 70-something father and the 30-something adult son.[/quote]

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