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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I actually can relate to your message.  I remember when our kids were young, DH got me a sexy role play-like lingerie set and I almost burst into tears when I opened it.  I was already feeling incredibly inadequate as a wife since we had 3 kids under the age of 4 and my libido went awol for about 2-3 years.  I know he was trying to find a way to help me get into the mood but instead it just made me feel like he didn't care how I felt, it made me feel objectified, that he didn't appreciate ALL the effort I was putting into just being available for him, etc. etc. In hindsight, I feel I totally overreacted and don't totally understand where it was coming from - but it's how I felt at the time.

Fast forward a few years and I really got my sexy groove back.  Honestly it was reading erotic literature that really, really helped me.  It made me view my sexuality very differently and less about me "rallying" to do what my husband wanted me to do so that he wasn't a dissatisfied husband and more about me figuring out what made me feel sexy and desirable.  I am much, much more likely to put on really sexy lingerie now and get a kick out of it myself and DH knows that he can safely buy that kind of stuff for me now.  As long as we were already flirty and I knew that we were planning to have sex, seeing lingerie laying out for me with some kind of demanding note, "Meet me in the bedroom at 9:00 and don't be late" would be super, super sexy to me.

I do think you and your DH need a real conversation about this (and NOT before you are about to have sex or anywhere around the time he brings up lingerie).  Men are very visual and him wanting to see you in revealing lingerie is a very normal request.  I think you can acknowledge that without being quite ready to go down that path right away, but you can give some thought to how you might be able to meet that desire of his in a way that is also in your comfort zone (recognizing that you hope to expand that zone over time).  [/quote]

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