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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op—I faced a similar situation.  DHs ex wife did not work at all.  She was a SAHM till the youngest graduated HS.  She now works and makes enough to live on but DH still pays the mortgage on her house.

I knew this going in.  It was ok with me.  I supported our household for many years.  He has 2 kids from his first marriage and 2 from ours.
 
We all get along very well.  The kids get along and there is no resentment between them that the little kids get xyz because I work and their mom did not.  We treat all 4 kids fairly.  And yes, sometimes a little kid has to give up something for a big kid—but that’s true in any family.

DH and I have been together for 20 yrs.  His 2nd child was 5 when we started dating.  Two are now out of college and we still help them out.  We are helping the oldest with the down payment on his house.  Our oldest daughters wedding is next summer and we are paying for that.  And even though we are paying for it, her bio mom is fully involved and I take the back seat.  I bore 2 children but I have 4 and I work to support all 4.

If you’re in this for the long haul, a few years or even a lot of years of helping the ex-wife out is no big deal.  It creates harmony within the family structure.[/quote]

OP - This is how you should feel.  I'm not saying you need to support his ex being a SAHM but the general sentiment of this post.  The fact that your first inclination isn't thinking about what both of your kids need long term and how to create a good blended family dynamic says something is off and that's OK.  He's not the guy for you.  Maybe it's his relationship with/support of his ex; maybe it's your relationship with his kids (or lack thereof); maybe it's that he's not your financial equal.  We can't really tell from what you have posted but it all likely adds up to you need to move on.  Clearly it's important to you to find a relationship where either the man doesn't have kids or is able to support his first family without impacting yours.  Again, that's OK.  You are the Mom to your kids first and need to find a mate that fits into what you want for them just as your mate does.  If you want to stay with this guy, you shouldn't get married.  Based on your feelings about his kids and support of his ex, I'm not sure why he would want to marry you.[/quote]

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