Reply to DH not pulling his weight

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op, I’m not usually a fan of this reccomendation, but at your point I would consider giving him an ultimatum.

Either he starts to contribute by doing xyz or you hire a housekeeper/household manager and pay from your joint account.

If he pitches a fit - don’t back down. What’s he going to do, throw the housekeeper out of the house? Cancel the check? No. This man can barely get his own sh*t together, nonetheless fire a housekeeper.

Try counselling for yourself. He probably won’t go if you begged him. However, on the off chance he’s agreeable, the $200/hr you pay is WELL worth it to have the therapist call your husband out on his crap. Get a male therapist if you can.

Also, what was it like when your kids were newborns?[/quote]

No, don't do this.  OP is already in the hateful, nagging, sex-withholding wife phase.  Her DH is already in the digging his heels in, refusing to get a housekeeper, dragging his feet on her chores phase.  They are both in a vicious cycle of non compromising.  It has nothing to do with who's right or wrong. It has to do with each of them hating each other and the horribleness of their current lives.  Giving an ultimatum is absolutely going to make the cycle worse (yet another thing that OP is digging her heels in for, which will just make her DH dig in his heels even more).  If you give an ultimatum, you are absolutely taking the marriage one step further into non-salvageable territory.  In which case, just skip the ultimatum and simply file for divorce.  It will be a lot less fighting and stress.

If you want to save the marriage, get to a joint counselor.

Not sure why the above poster thinks the DH won't do counseling.  The OP has provided almost no description of her DH other than he's super forgetful in the morning and leaves dishes out at night.  My guess is he hates the state of their marriage as much as she does.  [/quote]

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