Reply to Aren't families supposed to be your ride or die?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]"Of course people are allowed their feelings and opinions. But aren't people who love you supposed to be kind and forgiving of your flaws? Everyone messes up. Everyone has their not-their-best moments. The beauty of family and love is that you can know someone at their worst and still accept them and love them. "[/quote]

Yes, everyone messes ups. Yes, everyone has flaws.

But when they are repeated and ongoing "messups" that are regularly unkind, routinely disrespectful, and constantly dismissive... that is different. Very few people will become estranged because of one, single isolated mistake. But I've done it if it's an ongoing pattern and the person has not exhibited real remorse or willingness to change. That may not be abuse to you, but it is to others.

And no, family is not my "ride or die." I don't believe in the concept. I believe in treating people how you want to be treated. Hoping that other people want me in their life because of the person that I am, not some genes. I don't believe in some Trump-ism concept of "loyalty" where people stick by you against their values and ethics or treatment - you have to earn the company you keep.[/quote]

Are you always so perfect that in your whole life with someone you have only messed up once? I was always the perfect kid out of 3. Did everything the "right/traditional way". My sister and brother were complete ****ups growing up (DWI, shop lifting, failing out of college). I messed up once. I had an affair. My husband forgave me and we are back together after some work. We both admitted our wrong doings and are moving forward stronger. My family has disowned me (mom, dad, brother, sister). Just done. All told me that I'm an embarrassment and no longer welcome at family functions. They continue to invite my husband and kids though (who of course do not attend without me).

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