Reply to How do you know a man will be violent?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]FU.  There are often no signs at all.  Do you think women are stupid?  do you think women want to be hit?  I dated someone 4 years and lived with him for 1 before he threatened to beat the crap out of me the first time.  He raised his hand but didn't hit me.  I told him at the time that if he ever laid a finger on me, I would call the cops and have him tossed out so fast it would make his head spin.

3 years later he threatened to beat the crap out of me again and I ended things. He was increasingly subtley abusive, jealous and control in front of all his friends and family members. If they didn't find it apalling, why should I have?  He was charming when he wanted to be and when he was cruel he was always apologetic and tried to make up for it.  He was always totally into me -  proposed, great ring, wanted to have kids.

This is how they reel you in - smooth in the beginning, isolate you from your own peers, try to get you tied down economically so you can't leave and tie you to them with kids.  It's the rare abuser who starts out hitting you.  [/quote]

Why did you say FU? What you first wrote contradicts your subsequent  paragraphs. [/quote]

NP.  FU = Follow Up.[/quote]

My FU did not mean follow up.  It meant FU for blaming the victim.  It took 4 YEARS before my BF [b]threatened to beat me the first time[/b].  I had no way of knowing he would do that and no way to differentiate his loving behavior from those of other boyfriends who didn’t end up beating me.  My friends nor his knew about the abuse nor predicted so why should I have?

Those of you who would like to believe there are signs, want to believe so because then you can tell yourself that you would never be in an abusive relationship because you would Be smart enough to see the signs and those of us who were abused were simply stupid or had low self-esteem.  You are delusional.  This can happen to any woman.  I’m so glad I had no kids and a large enough nest egg that I could hire a lawyer and force the sale or refinancing of our jointly owned home, that I could afford to walk away from the $30k I put down and that I had friends and family who provided shelter for me while I worked out moving out.

There but for the grace of god you could go......[/quote]

Why was there even a second time?  I'm not condoning victim blaming, but you yourself said he threatened you more than once.  [/quote]

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