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[quote=Anonymous]This is OP.
Thanks to everyone who responded, even those who might seem a bit harsh. I posted here because I wanted all sides, not just my friends rallying around me.
I feel like we throw the words "narcissist" and "gaslighting" around too much so I am not prepared to say that is what happened to me. I will say this: I was not a perfect wife. He was not a perfect husband. I think I was a good wife who learned along the way how to best meet his needs. But I guess ultimately - it wasn't good enough if he chose to get them met elsewhere.

It's hard not to beat myself up for all of the things that I could have done. But like others have said, one person cannot save a marriage alone. I am absolutely mourning who he WAS, not who he is now.

I am in counseling, and it helps. No, I am not playing the victim as some stated. I do choose to whine every now and then but I'll own that. :) We have middle school aged kids and I am focused on making sure I am ok so that they are ok, also.

I am not anywhere near ready to date. (Clearly, he moves on waaaaaaay easier than I do!) But when that time comes...I don't even know how to go about it. I'm in my early 40s. I definitely am not a one night stand person. Where does one go? What online sites are less seedy than others?[/quote]

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