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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I am in a very, very similar situation. DH also had an affair, with someone I knew, and continued it after he told me. I tried everything, thought we were doing better, but eventually found out he continued the affair and after it ended he still asked for a divorce. We have two young kids, and I was blindsided.

I found it helpful to spend some time mourning the life I thought we had. Truly just going through almost a short grieving process. I needed to process that even though I tried everything, he just wasn't the person that I *thought* he was to continue treating me in such a way. I mourned his lack of effort in our marriage, his blatant disrespect (re: AP) and narcissism (in retrospect), rewriting history, and the life I thought I had and wanted. While I never would have chosen it myself, I slowly moved from that grieving process to feeling empowered.

You can't control what he does. But you CAN control how you react and what you do with your life going forward. Stand up, be brave, make a plan, and figure out what brings you joy. I look for small things that give me peace, and put one foot in front of the other. So cliche, but you only get one life. Don't waste more time than you need to playing the what-if game.

Also, read Girl wash your face.[/quote]

wow, I could have written this. Great advice PP. Also recommend listening to Heartburn by Nora Ephron on audiobook. Insightful and hilarious.  I laughed-cried on my drive to my first Thanksgiving without DD.  Bonus it's narrated by Meryl Streep.   
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