Reply to MIL gossiped about me with my little sister

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here. I feel very depressed and sick to my stomach. Not that I want acceptance from these people but by the blatant lack of respect for me and by extension their son. How can anyone be as crazy to talk bad about their daughter in law in front of her little sister??

I have an otherwise wonderful marriage. Other people envy how much we love each other. These psychotic people are the only wedge. I think calls to end our marriage is a little strange.

I’d prefer to never see or deal with this woman or her daughter. But I know my husband would never want to cut them out and will go to Christmas and stuff. I don’t want to spend Christmas apart. [/quote]

I don't believe that you have a wonderful marriage. I don't believe that your husband loves you. If he did he would not tolerate what your mother-in-law is doing. If he cared about you he would have your back. I have no doubt he will not have your back in other situations. You really don't know what a relationship is like until you say no to a person. Are you the type of partner who goes along with him most of the time? Have you ever stood up and said no to him about anything? What was it like? He is expecting you to accept abuse and it will get worse if you have children. That will open you to 10x more criticism. Also you aren't putting him in the middle with his mother. He should be on one side - yours.

Your counsellor was horrible. [/quote]

Our therapist emboldened him. She told us that I am not allowed to criticize his mother or family as they are his family. And that I need to let him off the hook for his mother’s behavior as he can’t control her and shouldn’t be held responsible for her behavior. After that the only solution he has is to let me not go over there unless absolutely necessary. He also has occasionally told her to knock it off. I don’t think he thinks her behavior is ok he just is at a loss about what to do. The one thing he doesn’t want to do is cut them off. He has already minimized contact with them to maybe 20 -15 Times a year. I only go over maybe 5-6 times and that little contact is enough to create so much drama in my life. 
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Don’t go at all. Why would you? Truly, they sound awful.

You say he’s already minimized contact with them. And that he doesn’t insist on you coming along.

You want him to cut them off completely and he says he’s not going to do that. You say he enjoys Christmas and being with his awful family.

You say you don’t want divorce, but insisting he cut them off is going to wreck your marriage. Instead, why not stop going altogether, unless your DH tells his mom to can it. Also, ask yourself why you aren’t ok with the compromise of him visiting them without you. 
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