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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm truly sorry to sound so harsh but all these stories have little relevance to today's environment.  It's 2018 and very few excuses for accidently getting pregnant any more.  Much better birth control and education than in our youth.  OP's daughter doesn't sound mature enough to make the right decisions regarding raising a child responsibly.  This is more than financial support.  Are you prepared emotionally to raise another young child now as that is what this will ultimately mean until your daughter grows up.  [b]Yes I appreciate that you feel you have to appreciate her decision but make it clear that as the decision impacts you, you also have the right to weigh in with a no interest. [/b] Frankly you've already said you would vote for abortion so IMO you really don't want this.  And your daughter depending on friends is very unreliable support.  Unfortunately, she'll be living with the impacts of this for life no matter what she does.  I had an abortion,  I know.  I also know that the quality life I could have supplied a child at that time would have been very emotionally substandard as a mom.  Your daughter own brain is still in formation.  There's nothing you can do if she insists but I personally would strongly encourage not going through this.   Sorry, I know all of you have these lovely stories about great kids now however, it takes a village in those circumstances and villages are becoming increasingly rare.[/quote]

This post is a bit of a mess, but I generally agree with it, particularly this point. OP is allowed to tell her daughter, who is making a very adult decision, what she is prepared to do to support that decision. In my case, I would probably tell my daughter that my version of support would be to never mention the word "abortion" again, though that would be my preference, to love her child as a grandchild, and to provide some modest additional support to help her figure out how to manage the next couple of years of her life. I would also tell her that I would not be fully financially supporting her little family, I would not offer to be child care, and that if she did boomerang home, while I would certainly help her out and care for her, she would have to be pursuing real goals toward self-sufficiency.

All of the things you can tolerate in a 20-year-old daughter, like a less-than-marketable major, poor choice in boyfriends, lack of firm plans for the future are predicated on knowing that at worst you'll be paying for a room in a house with a bunch of roommates. That calculus changes entirely when said 20-year-old might have a child in the mix, too.[/quote]

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