Reply to When friends’ views on money/life diverge . . . .

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Friendships change over time. Money is just one reason why, though often a big reason. If it's valuable to you, then even though it isn't really fair -- you will avoid the issues she's insecure about -- things; cars; vacations; etc. Like the PPs above, if you want to continue to be friends focus on ideas, events, etc. not who is going where/how cool it would be to live here or drive there because clearly that's hurting her feelings even though you aren't bragging about your OWN trips or commenting on where she should live.[/quote]
This, though I would leave out the stuff about it not being fair to OP. I grew up enough wealthier than most of my friends (who were also UMC, but my parents both had high-paying jobs), and my parents were also wealthier than my aunts and uncles. I guess because of that, I grew up my whole life knowing how/when to talk about money-related things. And, yes,[b] talking about how cool an expensive car or condo building is when you can afford it and the person you're with can't *is* talking about money.[/b] And even if it weren't, you obviously don't have the same taste in places to live...so why would you expect a discussion about whether a building is cool or not to go well with her. I don't like sports cars, even the ones I can afford. So my brother, who does like them, doesn't waste a lot of his time talking about them with me...it wouldn't be an interesting discussion.

If you value the friendship, talk about the things you have in common. I was a grad student for almost a decade while some of my college friends were making loads of money as investment bankers. Guess what? They planned activities with me that I could afford, even though I knew they otherwise spent a lot more on dinner etc. And they talked to me about things that we continued to have in common. It's really not that hard.[/quote]

+1.

And I recently reconnected with my college best friend. Was VERY reluctant to do so, but he insisted so I did. I felt we'd have NOTHING to talk about and he and his wife look down on me the entire time because he is a hedge fund PM, routinely named in top 40 under 40 in hedge funds, easily makes 10mil+ per year and just bought a Manhattan pad costing no less than 10mil while I am a government lawyer making 150k who was on a business trip to NYC for 2 nights. And guess what -- we ordered takeout Chinese, sat around and talked about old times, my business trip, our families, sports, and lord knows what else. At no time did he suggest that I should buy myself a pad in NYC or what 5 star in London is the best -- and we DID talk about how much all of us love London --the city, the sights, the shows -- NOT the hotels.[/quote]

I have friends like that, including big law partner. We are millions of dollars apart, but I love to talk to him about books we read, shows we've seen. He is super down to earth and never in a million years you would know how rich he is. He is genuinely interested in my kids, my projects, my family. I truly admire people like that because not only they were able to make a lot of money, but they were able to remain very humble. [/quote]

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