Reply to Donating our embryos through an open placement -- AMA

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]How do you feel about the fact that you are likely creating a trauma for any kids that result from this "donation"? Any adoption, no matter how loving and secure, is a trauma for the child, knowing that his/her bio parents couldn't or wouldn't take care of him. 
[/quote]

OP here.

Is this a serious question? Seems kinda troll-like.[/quote]

OP did you research adoption at all before you did this?[/quote]

OP here.

I researched adoption a bit, but only some of the issues overlap with embryo donation. Much of what's out there about baby adoption is somewhat off for this particular type of arrangement.

The agency provides a thorough set of FAQs for both the donors and adopters, and we read all of that info.

Here are two tremendous differences between baby adoption and embryo donation:

1. Our embryos aren't babies.
2. I won't carry the embryo until it becomes a baby.

I imagine that any future child will take heart in knowing that my husband and I didn't place him/her up for adoption. Rather, we're giving embryos a chance at becoming a baby.

I'm truly just a cell donor. The adopting mother will not only raise the child, by gestating a baby she will also create a biological link to the child. New-ish research shows that a gestational mother's DNA influences a baby's genes. Isn't that amazing! [/quote]\

If you truly don't think the embryos are babies, then I'm not sure why you're wading into this ethical quagmire.  At the very least, it seems like you'd go into it with WAY lowered expectations for what kind of contact you'll have with the child.  [/quote]

NP, but can't you accept that there's a bit of grey area here in terms of emotions and biological relationships?  I also don't believe that embryos are babies, but also can completely understand how one feels a connection to their embryos and can imagine a connection between her children (who she's raising) and the "could have been my child".  OP seems to respect the the existing and potential human beings touched by this decision, and has made (in my opinion) a commendable decision to grant another couple the opportunity to be parents, while also helping to fill in the gaps that such a donation might leave in the resulting child's psyche.

I have a daughter conceived of by my own egg and husband's sperm, but a second child for us would mean DE.  I'm actually leaning towards an embryo donation if we end up looking to expand our family, because I want my children to truly believe that the egg and sperm are ultimately minimal factors in the definition of family (for us, at least).  Using just DE sends a more mixed message (like, genes don't matter and you're still Mom's child, but they kind of do, so we still wanted Dad's sperm).  I'm still puzzling through all of this personally but I would welcome an opportunity to work with someone like OP to complete our family.  (and I'm Jewish, so I appreciate the perspective of using a Christian agency when you're not actually Christian).[/quote]

that's entirely too neat a viewpoint.  yes, OP is commendable for deciding to donate to another family; but she's donating to a family that could afford to make their own embryos, so she's not actually giving them the "opportunity to be parents."  and it's just a fantasy to think that OP can mitigate now any potential trauma caused by the adoption.  she'd have more integrity if she admitted she doesn't know what the risk is, but thinks that the benefits of the children being created outweigh the risks to the child.  [/quote]

Did I miss the part about the adoptive family being able to afford (or even create in the first place) their own embryos?  I might have.  Regardless:

I don't think the OP can eliminate any potential trauma -- nobody in the world can promise to eliminate trauma from another person's life -- but I do think that an open relationship can help mitigate any potential trauma.  Mitigate, as in, make less severe.  Generally open dialogue between people with good intentions results in a more positive outcome than no dialogue.

Certainly this is not a clean, clear situation, but there's no child in the world who can be guaranteed a clean, clear existence.  [/quote]

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