Reply to When did you know you were ready to have kids?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.  DH and I want kid(s - more will be decided after first one).  We had a rough time finding jobs/were underemployed for a very long time + lots of undegrad and grad student debt so we never felt we could have a kid if we were struggling to pay rent on a crappy but affordable studio apartment, which is why we don't yet have children.  We both finally found decent jobs in the last 2 years and were able to pay down some loans + buy a home.  Having children was not right for us previously no matter how much we wanted it.

My ob appt last week was a wake up call that I just wasn't expecting.  It was the first time anyone had said now is the time to start trying if you want a kid.  I think I was more shocked about it went from "any concerns" "no" "ok" end of dr appt last year to "you are now at advanced maternal age" & "you need to start trying during your next cycle if you want to have kids or you may not able to naturally" etc.   Maybe she could have discussed it earlier than an its now or never stuff I got.

Most of my friends do not yet have children or are just starting to have kids.  None of my best friends have kids yet, and one has been with her DH since high school.  We all have prioritized our careers (or just gaining stability during the years after the recession with lots and lots of private school debt).

I guess I always thought I'd be really ready when the time came, and [b]I'm scared of all the unknowns - will the birth be painful, will I pee when I sneeze forever, will my kid be normal, will we be able to afford daycare, how much mommy shamming will I have to endure, etc.  [/b]

[/quote]

Of course the unknowns are scary, and the stakes seem so high because we're talking about kids.  But you figure it out as you go along.  None of us had all of the answers the second we saw the test result after peeing on the stick.

I always felt similarly to you - I never felt ready for kids, and I thought most people did.  Everyone I knew was SO SURE either way, and there I was, totally ambivalent. I prioritized my career and never really gave much thought into how or when kids might fit into that.  But once I hit 35, I figured that I'd regret it if we didn't try, so we took the leap.  It's not all sunshine and roses, and there are times when I definitely miss our pre-kid life, but life now is so much richer than I ever could have imagined.  It scary to think that my ambivalence could have caused me to miss out on all of it.   [/quote]

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