Reply to I was given a huge reality check about my failed marriage

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Woman here. There’s a lot of women on this thread who are going to wake up one day and be shocked that their marriages collapsed and will blame everyone but never look into their own role. Focusing on your spouse doesn’t mean becoming a sex-slave in high heels in pearls, but making time to put the baby down, talk about something else, and remaining connected as a couple. In this age of competitive parenting it is mostly the women making themselves nuts about feeding and napping schedules, freaking out about any sitters ever, and focusing the entire family life on the kid. When I first had my kid, it drove me nuts when DH wasn’t worrying about doing things “the right way” and was just getting things done in a haphazard way and “forgetting” about the plan and schedules. However, a few months in, I realized that he was actually taking a healthier appproach and we were more than simply parents to a baby human. Things got done, the kid was happy and healthy, and parents kept their connection.

OP, I wish you the best in the future -you were not at fault, but congrats to you for thinking about how you might use relationship skills differently in the future. [/quote]

Thank you for posting this. As a single mom who dates, and understands how hectic the early years can be, I realize how important it is to nurture all aspects of your life.

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I have to agree with this, too.  Of course it's not on her that her husband cheated--he was (is) a self-centered dick for doing that.  But the underlying message here is still valid--we (meaning both partners) have to not totally lose our focus on the marriage and on ourselves.  [b]I always cringe when I read new mothers talking about how they don't have time to shower, or dress nicely, or anything like that. [/b] It's not just for your spouse, but it will also make you feel better.  You can put the baby down for 5 minutes, even if he/she cries.  Take care of yourself.  Good enough is the just that--nothing is perfect, and we'll screw it up along the way anyhow (parenting).  When your kids hit their teens or adulthood, it's almost comical how much we worried about the right pacifier, screen time, preschools, no sugar, whatever. Do the best you can and make sure you have a happy marriage, too--that's incredibly important both to you and your children.[/quote]

Interesting I find most the men that are in it to win it don't judge their wife in sweats and hair in pony tail dealing with sick kids, getting gardening done, tired after a long day. Actually, they are happy to also just throw on some sweats and cuddle to watch the Caps or binge a series.

He doesn't judge her holding the baby all the time and she does not judge his antics on the sidelines.

It's the people that accept life is imperfect and give each other a break that make it for the long haul. [/quote]

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