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[quote=Anonymous]You need your DH on board first and foremost.  And he should deliver any boundaries to his parents/sister himself.

We have a similar situation, though it's not as clear cut as drug abuse.  But my DH's family supports his sister and her endless terrible choices.  They enable her to live like she is 16, despite having a child of her own.  It's endless.  My SIL has no desire to be independent, but complains about her parents being "so involved" in her life.  Err, yeah, they pay your bills, so they are pretty involved.  Best way out: pay your own bills!

Before I even married DH I could see the dynamic.  And I made it clear we would NEVER be supporting the cycle.  Aka: no supporting his parents while they are enabling her and NO support to her, ever.  EVER.  Not a dime.  He was completely 100% on board and still is.

Now, we haven't quite gotten to my inlaws being too old to work yet.  I'm nervous when that happens because now they can lie about stuff all the time and it's their money to do what they want with.  But I'm nervous.

However, I'll hold firm.  Why?  I refuse to take money away from MY CHILDREN to support this toxic cycle.  And that's exactly what it would be, taking money from my kid's college fund, or our ability to take a family vacation, etc.  I will not let them use our good financial planning against us.  We've made good choices, and I will not be guilted into compensating for my SIL's shitty choices.
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