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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I'd try not to worry about the small stuff.  Continue to split the tab for family dinners and don't let it get to you.  Use your efforts to deal with the big lurking issue: you needing to support your in-laws because they've drained their bank accounts to support your SIL.  That needs to be 100% your concern.  Set up boundaries now and stick to them.  Everything else is minor.[/quote]

This.  The dinners are a red herring.  You're pissed about them because they are a symptom of the larger problem--your in-laws are in denial about how serious your SIL's addiction is, and they are providing her financial support that they cannot sustain.  Focus on that.

And here's the thing--you can have sympathy for SIL and the in-laws, even as you disagree with how they handle it.  Addiction is real, and it's really hard to break it.  And watching your child struggle with addiction has to be one of the most heartbreaking things imaginable.  They are probably terrified about what is going to happen to her.  What if they cut her off and something terrible happened?  Can you imagine the guilt?  They are invested in thinking that she's better because they are scared.  You can think that someone is making bad choices and still feel empathy.  [/quote]

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