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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, you need to stop responding to everyone commenting on this thread. People don't understand and it's making you frustrated.[/quote]

New poster. 
I agree with this PP. I think your situation at the wedding was awful for you, DH and kids, and that the PPs (maybe just one jerk) are just trying to bait you by insisting somehow everything is your fault. Ignore.

The issue now isn't the wedding but how to go forward. I'd just start being too busy for a while to see brother and new SIL unless you run into them at future all-family functions. You said at the very beginning that your brother has mental health issues so it shouldn't be a surprise that he'd turn on you somehow during a very high-stress event like a wedding. It sounds as if his new wife either has issues too, or was so wound up about the wedding (or wound up by her mom? Is that the MIL you mean?...) that she blurted a lot of ridiculously contradictory things (please bring kid to participate; kid not welcome other than as a prop in the ceremony; kids welcome at reception; but not really, and not on dance floor....). I might cut new SIL more slack than I'd cut him, and that still wouldn't be much slack -- right now. But in time, if he gets help and if she calms down, they might be OK to be around as see-you-at-holidays relatives, as long as there's no political talk. Give yourself cooling-off space (though you are, I agree, the aggrieved one here).

Both my brother and SIL have mental health issues and disabilities. We were ALL invited to the wedding (Kids too) and had MULTIPLE conversations with the family about bringing them. They had no issue with them coming to the ceremony and the reception until the day of. I agreed to not come to the ceremony with them to be polite (would’ve been nice in advance but whatevs) and they said that’s fine just come to the reception. And then at the reception MIL made snarky comments to my mom and then basically told us to leave. And yes, my brother’s mean outburst to me was precedentes by surprise surprise, his hatred for his New MIL though he took it out on my bc I have different political beliefs (it was so random and only people with a mentally ill family member will understand which is why everyone is calling it a fight when it wasn’t).

Moving forward... just going to console my mom and avoid the ILs.

Do you know if the new SIL really knows your brother has issues? Does she truly understand them or has he maybe sold her the idea that he's fine but his family is mean and thinks he's nutty for his politics or--? [/quote][/quote]

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