Reply to Do you care about being estranged from your adult children?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My husband has been estranged from his three kids from his first marriage.  Ex wife did everything she could to make him the one and lied about so many things and the kids believed it.  [b]He does not care as its been so many years.  One started to reach out occasionally and he's friendly back but he'd be happier if they didn't contact him as its who knows what its really about and he's tired of it.[/b]  One other only calls for money and once we started saying no, they refused to talk to us, which is fine.  If you have a kid, living with your girlfriend who refuses to work and you are in school, you figure out how to provide.  We offered all our baby gear and clothing and they refused demanding new.  No biggie.[/quote]

I can see why his kids don't have a relationship with him. And it's not their mother's fault.[/quote]

Why is it always the man to blame?  She cheated, she told the kids he didn't pay child support and the extra's she demanded and that is why they went without when she refused to spend the money (and if we bought stuff for the kids and sent it, she threw it away), etc.  So, after being treated like crap by the kids and ex, what more should he do?  They only want his money and when they are adults, its time they support themselves (and if they want gifts/money, at least email a thank you when you receive it).  He's a great father and husband. If kids want money from Dad, since he pays life long alimony, get it from her.[/quote]

He should have gotten 50/50 custody.

His wife cheated, so, what does that have to do with the kids?

Move out or kick her out and raise your kids.

But he walked away and only contributed $$$. That is not a father.[/quote]

She moved and took the kids cross country without his consent.  He could not move.  He did not walk out.  She cheated.  If dads are refused visitation they should not pay child support.   Cheating speaks to her character.  There is little help for dads. [/quote]

Still doesn’t explain why he’s not interested and “tired of it” when they contact him now, even the ones who aren’t asking for money. [/quote]

They are in their late 20's and 30's, so its been over 15 years of drama, money demands, court and more.  At some point you give up and move on once they are adults.  [/quote]

The kids took him to court? Oh wait, that was the divorce. All the kids ask him for money? Oh wait, for two of them, you said “who knows what it’s about?” There was tons of drama? Oh wait, you said he basically hadn’t had much contact with them for 15 years. [/quote]

They were back and forth for years over visitation and once for child support.  Ex filed for more child support when we got married based off my income.  She was really pissed when the judge told her she could not get child support from me and he took her off alimony that should have stopped several years before and two of the adult children off child support, leaving her only getting his pension and child support for one.  She got spiteful and refused to let him see or talk to the youngest after that.  We bought a plane ticket for every visit and she refused to send the kid. He flew up there several times and she refused to let him see him.  At that point it wasn't worth making either family broke with a court battle that would make no difference as she wouldn't comply and court would not hold her accountable.[/quote]

OK, but the kids were innocents in all this, especially for stuff that his ex did or did not do when they were minors. Why are you and your DH punishing them for that now?

Your post that they’re contacting him now and he wishes they wouldn’t is the awful part. Also awful is that you’re trying to make it all about them supposedly wanting money. When two of the three kids haven’t even mentioned money and just seem to want a relationship. So despite the importance you place on them being self-supporting, that’s not actually the issue with 2/3 of his kids. The way you posted “who knows why they’re trying to contact him” doesn’t make greed the reason, either. Even the kid in grad school could be told “no” and you could still have a relationship with him. Why can’t you and your DH condescend to having simple interactions with kids who aren’t asking for money, and even with the kid who is?

Team kids[/quote]

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