Reply to DH is going to blow a gasket. Give me strength.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You are afraid in your own house. That is the bottom line. [/quote]

OP here. Let me be clear: I am in no way afraid for my safety or that of my kids. No way. I’ve known this man half my life and I genuinely can say he is nonviolent. I’m actually not even sure he’s been in a fistfight. What I am is weary of not being able to talk about stressful stuff (parenting, disagreements, money) without having to diffuse his temper first. I want him to see that his go-to response (taking it to 11) hurts me. What are the words I can use to convince him that he needs to tone down his reactions? [/quote]

Then why are you so afraid of expressing how you feel? You’re terrified of his reaction. You’re terrified of the fallout. What’s going on with you that his adult temper tantrum is so intolerable?

You have to talk to him, and deal with your fear; if he screams and yells, he screams and yells. Don’t give him any more power - change your reaction. Stay calm, and unfazed, at least on the outside.

If he’s shouting and unwilling to converse with you, very calmly state, “I can’t do this anymore. If we can’t have a basic discussion about the state of our marriage without escalation, then we need to get some outside help.” Tell him, “I’m this close to throwing in the towel. Please come to counseling with me.”
Let him know his behavior isn’t acceptable to you, and that you’re at the end of your rope.

We can’t give you the words - sounds like no matter what you say, he blows up. Obviously don’t name call or scream. Remain calm and tell him how you feel.

He knows he can s**t all over you and act like a toddler and there will be no consequences. There are no stakes.

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