Reply to s/o what is the solution to lack of desire?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]NP here. That's how I feel too, except with both sex and exercise, doing it doesn't make me feel sooo good after. I feel like I accomplished something, but the thing itself doesn't make me feel that good. It just makes me feel tired and sweaty. And yes, I O 98% of the time. I just dislike the psychological/emotional chore of psyching myself up for it so much that it makes the whole thing unenjoyable overall. [/quote]
So free yourself of this terrrible burden. Quit the gym, divorce your husband, and embrace your desired solo couch-potato lifestyle![/quote]

I love my husband very much and would do many unenjoyable things for him.[/quote]
Wow what a selfless and novel concept. Wait a second... does HE actually ever do "unenjoyable" things just for you, purely out of love? Incredible! Who ever thought a marriage might involve meeting the important/legitimate needs of one's spouse, even if that particular thing is less important for me? This is a great idea; maybe we can write a book or do a film? We could make a lot of money on this....[/quote]

Opinions obviously vary on this but my experience has been thus: for about two years, I've had sex with my husband when I haven't really wanted to (for various reason), and the focus has been on his pleasure rather than mine.  What this brought for me is that I have basically stopped associating his touch with any sexual feeling.  I got aroused and climaxed just fine with myself, but whenever he touched me, I felt nothing.  Then we just didn't have sex for a while and went through a bad patch in our marriage.

We are doing well today.  With regard to sex, my policy has become that unless I want to do it (in an active or a receptive way, doesn't matter), it doesn't happen. It just doesn't. Sometimes I want it when my husband does not, and then I have to put a lid on it too.  Sex does not tolerate any compulsion, for me.  Bring pressure, compulsion or duty into it, and the feeling goes away. The person just becomes asexual to you. I don't want this again.  So we are content to have hot sex once every two or three weeks.  That's good enough for us. [/quote]

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