Reply to DH keeps defending his bigoted parents

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]She IS going to be in their lives. And she should be. You need to get over it.[/quote]

nope, she doesn't[/quote]
+1

I don’t get why people keep saying this. 1) MIL doesn’t even treat her grandchildren well! Telling them they look dirty sending racist, inappropriate gifts etc. 2) a lot of people are not close to all (or sometimes any) of their grandparents [/quote]

OP isn't the only person making the call here.  Her husband doesn't sound like he is on board with cutting off contact, and even if they divorced, he might still have a say.  That's why so many of us has said this is really an issue between the two of them.  [/quote]

OP here. Ideally I’d like to limit contact, but I haven’t even gotten past the discussion of how wrong my inlaws are. My husband gets defensive and then explodes. At this point I’m beyond hurt and angry that  he can’t see them for what they are and at least protect or defend his own child. [/quote]

I’m not overly concerned about inlaws seeing my kids since they’ve chosen to be mostly absent from all of their grandchildren’s lives.  They kept saying they were coming for an upcoming birthday, but now say they are too busy. My issue is that my husband can see why I’m so upset about all of this behavior over the years. It matters less what they’ve said to me and more what they’ve said to my kids. He needs to understand he’s not just married to a brown woman, he’s the father of brown children. I just can’t see how he can overlook this. I’m going to end up divorced if this issue isn’t resolved.

Obviously there are greater issues here if he is exploding at you in anger, and I'm sure you recognize that.  It's not fair for him to shut you down in that way.  In the meantime - would he at least agree to limit the once a year contact to a neutral place like a restaurant or public park, rather than in the privacy of your home or theirs?  Somewhere more public, where your in laws would feel less comfortable making these types of statements and would be more careful to watch what they say?  Could he at least agree that the amount of contact that the kids have with them is not going to increase in frequency beyond the once a year meet up?  [/quote][/quote]

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