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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The backstory is that my DH is one of two kids, and he was always the non-favorite.  He was hit by his mother and stepdad, verbally abused (told "we wish you were never born," "you're a terrible person"), etc. all throughout childhood.  In adulthood, now that they are not able to physically hurt DH, they either ignore him for months/years on end or else berate him in person.  Things changed when we had our two kids a few years ago (they are preschoolers).  Suddenly the inlaws wanted to be involved and come visit.  My DH thought it might be a fresh start -- so he was OK with his parents visiting.

But whenever they visit it is chaos.  They are very nice to our kids, but they make it obvious that they hate both DH and me.  The visit before last, my DH made an offhand comment about how his sedan was low to the ground and how his mom had a hard time getting out of the car.  That set off a night of his mother crying (literally) and his father yelling at the top of his voice "You are a bad son."  They apologized once they sobered up the next morning.

Then this visit, over Christmas, they came to visit.  They extended their ticket to 10 days (without asking us first) and then when we said that it was a very long visit, they said it was too inconvenient to change their tickets. On Christmas Eve, MIL proceeded to get wasted and ended up weeping about how her job had been so hard and how DH didn't appreciate her (this was prompted by DH saying that his parents were so fortunate to have jobs that gave a pension -- they were professors).  Then MIL and DIL started screaming at my husband that they did so much for him and that they had added up how much it had cost them to raise him and DH would never be able to pay them back. ???  The next morning when they sobered up they apologized.  Everything seemed to be going fine, and we made it through to New Years Day.  We thought it might be fun to go to a museum, so we asked them to come along for a family outing.  They said no thanks, we want to relax and get packed for our flight (the next day).  I just assumed they wanted a break from the kids, so we went to the museum for a couple of hours.  When we returned home, the in-laws were gone.  We were greeted with a note saying "thanks for the lunches and dinners.  We thought it best to stay in a hotel tonight."  They didn't say goodbye to us or their grandkids.  We tried calling and texting them -- they wouldn't return calls.  My kids keep asking "where did grandma and grandpa go"?

My DH and I are normal people -- I don't know how to deal with his parents.  My parents have always been kind and loving.  But it seems like DH's parents just...aren't.  I don't know what to do anymore -- I didn't want to deny my kids a relationship with their grandparents, but my husband is practically catatonic with depression.  Last night he said that he "hates himself" and that there must be something wrong with him that his own parents don't love him.  He said it made him depressed because seeing them (and then having them leave without a goodbye) stirred up all the memories of his youth that he usually keeps put away.

What do I do?  Just not engage with the in-laws anymore?  Insist they stay in a hotel whenever they come to town?   :cry: [/quote]

I experienced a youth much like your DH. It was decades before I recovered.
I have spoken to my mother once since 2000. I have 9 siblings- never talk to them. Last family gathering I attended was n 1992. [/quote]

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