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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Nobody is having an affair. You'll just have to trust me on this one. I married him because he was the most honest person I'd ever known - for better or for worse - and infidelity is not in his DNA. I'm not saying he doesn't want to. But he's not. I haven't cheated on him because I know it's the one thing he would never do to me. He may be an asshole sometimes, but he's faithful.

I think I'm going to try and prioritize sex, even though I'm f'ing exhausted, and hope that it inspires a renewed sense of intimacy in him that will in turn make him (a) less stressed and (b) less inclined to treat me like an emotional punching bag.

Also, to reiterate: He has never been physically abuse to me. His outbursts can feel like a punch sometimes, but he has never hit me or broken anything (except my emotional trust in him). [/quote]

I am the man who posted at 20:24 above. Good for you, OP. You are going in the right direction getting closer to him. My own experience has been, and I think it is true for most men (and probably most people, women too), that if you want to change behavior you need to get closer to someone, not more distant. Make sure to communicate and ask directly for your own needs -- make clear that his angry outbursts, if he keeps them up, will kill your ability to be close to him -- but do it by appealing to his better nature and the love you share, not by expressing contempt and distancing yourself. If you distance yourself emotionally you're just divorcing in slow motion because it won't solve anything. He's not magically going to change his behavior because you withdraw and become more hostile.

Easier to give advice then to take it. I didn't do this, and my wife didn't either, and it cost us. But you guys can. It's clear from your posts that you still have some respect and love for him at some level so act on it while you still have it and try to work with him to be his better self.

Oh, and probably stay off DCUM. Too many women here will tell you to put the worst possible spin on everything he does and to distance yourself at every opportunity, and too many men will just jeer at you for not putting out. Fun like watching a train wreck but not exactly healthy.[/quote]

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