Reply to Is this passive aggressive or am I being super grouchy and sensitive?

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Reply to "Is this passive aggressive or am I being super grouchy and sensitive?"

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, he doesn't sound like a bad person, but he also doesn't sound like he is a good candidate for partnership.

the things in the few incidents you reported that stuck out for me:

--you lost 70 lbs! Great! instead of supporting you, he was criticizing the money YOU spent.

--you discussed getting rid of the treadmill not because you don't use it, but because you are making space for HIM. Instead of being grateful for your flexibility, he was criticizing the money  YOU spent

--he views your son --or at least his needs--as a drain on resources. He may be kind and affectionate, but he will never understand what it means to truly put someone else first, will he?  Were you planning on having more kids? I could not imagine any parenting decisions with him that would not be a huge headache

--the fact that he did not treat his own injury is very concerning--it suggests that his money issues are very deep and they won't be easily changed by setting boundaries. If anything, the process of getting married will likely exacerbate his anxieties and make things worse. Even if you keep money 'separate' there is no practical way to do that in a marriage for everything. Is he going to keep the house at 60 degrees? are you going to price out the lb of pasta you make for dinner? or make separate food? What about if you want to take a trip somewhere? fix a broken toilet? There are endless decisions that involve money and to have tension surrounding all of them would be a extremely difficult.

--the fact that he did not treat his own injury also makes me ask: can you really count on him in an emergency? If you or your son needed an ambulance, or the ER, would be hesitate because of the cost? figure you'll get better on your own? Not pay for the needed rx? And what would it be like to be married to someone who has the money to treat his medical issues but refuses? What does that mean for you if he gets really sick because he refuses to see the doctor--would YOU now be responsible?

I'm sorry, but I think you need to throw this one back in the ocean. He may be a well meaning person, but his issues make partnership really challenging. [/quote]

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