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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]I saw a couple where [b]the wife had cheated with the dad of one of their kids' soccer team mates.[/b] When asked point blank why she cheated, she stated that her husband works from 7am until 9pm every weekday and on the weekend, he goes golfing in the morning and then comes home and takes a nap. He didn't take vacations. He didn't take her on dates. He wasn't loving toward her or their children. His attitude in counseling supported those statements. [b]He was cold and angry[/b]. I understood why he was cold and angry.[b] I also understood why she was lonely.[/b] Ultimately, they divorced because while her affair definitely threw the bomb, it was like a bomb getting thrown into a condemned building. There was nothing left to fix. [b]I didn't know why they came to counseling at all, honestly.[/b][/quote]

Wow! This can't be real.

Let's break this down. They came into counseling and they unload this on you. I think that we can all agree that this was a pretty horrible offense. I, for one, would probably ask him why is he is in my office because that's a lot to deal with. I would be honest and tell them that there's probably not much I could do for them. It will just prolong the pain of the spouse. You, however, give the wife an opening to manipulate the situation and keep the money ball rolling. [/quote]

Wrong.

They came to counseling to "fix their marriage." They were honest about what their individual problems with their marriage were, when asked why they were there. They both said they wanted to save their marriage. When asked what that meant, his response was that he wanted things to "go back to normal" which he said meant that he wanted to go back to work and know that his wife was at home, taking care of their house and managing their kids but not cheating on him. Fine. Understandable. She said that she wanted her husband to work less, be around for family more, not golf on the weekends. Also fine and understandable, but not something he was willing to do. I saw them 3x and then she called saying they'd separated and wouldn't be coming back. What she did was awful, I don't disagree with that. But when she said that she was lonely, I understood why she was lonely. Doesn't make it a good choice.

I didn't give anyone any opening to manipulate any situation. Some people made an appointment. I accepted the appointment. They said they wanted to come back after the first appointment, and I said okay. I get that you think that therapy is a big racket, and I don't disagree with you entirely. But it's not my job to tell you what your problems are and then label them unfixable when you want to fix them. It's my job to help you fix the problems that you identify. [/quote]

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