Reply to Horrible Marriage Counselors

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Horrible Marriage Counselors "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My ex and I saw a marriage counselor to try and salvage our relationship, which ended after he tried to run me over with a car. There were clear signs of escalating abuse. But the counselor kept trying to make me the problem, giving my ex a boatload of validation for the fury he was sending my way.

When I confronted her and asked her why we were talking about me and not his violent temper, she point blank told me that she felt that people come to counseling to save relationships, and it was (therefore) her job to help me figure out how to find a way to adjust to my ex's abuse because that was the only way to stay in that relationship.

I swore off couples counseling after that. I firmly believe that in most cases the only therapy needed is individual. I would strongly encourage you and your wife to find individual therapists, OP. You each need to work out your feelings on your own. You are rightfully furious at this infidelity, but you'll never recover from the betrayal if you don't work through your emotions about it. And your wife needs to find a way through her shame so she can take authentic responsibility for what she's done. Neither of these things can be done in couples counseling.

In the meantime, read "Not Just Friends," by Barbara Glass. It will help. [/quote]

[quote=Anonymous]I went for couple's counseling after a guy got physical with me in an argument and had the same experience -- the counselor just wanted to talk about his childhood and why I made him so mad.  When I finally asked if he was even going to address the violence he rolled his eyes and said in a sarcastic voice, "okay, don't hit her."  I was completely floored by how terrible of a person he was, let alone therapist.  Frank Abate, if we're making a list.[/quote]

Just want to say, in regards to these two posts, the evidence and guidance is very clear: couples counseling should NOT be used when one of the partners is abusive.  It is far too easy for the abusive partner to manipulate the therapy/counseling into validating their behavior and turning the blame on the abused partner.  [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics