Reply to I lost my daughter to her controlling BF and now I am losing my house

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Your daughter has borderline personality disorder.  She has no sense of self and is waffling between being completely dependent on you and completely dependent on her boyfriend for her identity.  I agree with getting yourself to therapy to figure out how to drop the codependent relationship from your end.  [/quote]
How did you come to that diagnosis?[/quote]

Frantic efforts to avoid abandonment
Multiple unstable relationships 
Self harm
Impulsive behavior

[/quote]

OP here ,The boyfriend is the one with the extreme fear of abandonment, to the point that he would not let me daughter out of his site and would not allow her to come home in the beginning of all this when she wanted to, Once when she did come home and he came with her, we wanted to talk with her away from the boyfriend and I asked her what was going on , at first she defended him then she started crying and said he has been controlling and freaked out and thew a fit like a little boy when she wanted to come home, then I went to talk to the boyfriend and he was having a panic attack and pacing around the room from just being away from her for 10-15 minutes, then he lied to my face telling me that the running away was all my daughters idea and that if she ever wants to home home he will walk her right up to my door.

My daughters cutting began after several years of being bullied in school and several failed relationships with boys that only wanted one thing, to use and abuse and dump her.
Once she met this boyfriend she is with now however her life was turned into basically living for him, his needs and wants are put first while hers were forgotten. His family comes first while ours is forgotten.
She stays with him not because of fear of abandonment but because of fear of what he will do if she leaves him and the desire to make things work with her babies father even if it means sacrificing her needs.
My daughter and I had a close and healthy relationship before this boyfriend started pulling her away from us , badmouthing us and brainwashing her into believing we don't care about her. 
We used to go on family vacations ,we were always going shopping together, with me she was happy and very high energy, She had a lot of friends and she had other plans for her future but that all changed when he came into her life and she got pregnant, at the end of her pregnancy she told me they were fighting all the time and that he could not understand why we wanted time with her and she said he was telling her that he wants to be with her all the time to protect her because he loves her. Ever sense the baby was born she does not talk to me about how things are going in their relationship anymore and were lucky if we get to see her once a month. I don't expect her to be as close with us as she was when she lived here but even seeing her every 2 weeks would be nice or at least a phone call but I guess thats not going to happen as long as she is with him. 
So our plan is to just move on , were staying here long enough so my 3rd daughter can graduate with her class this year ,then were going to move out of state.[/quote]

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