Reply to Help me get past his affair

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't see why you can't, but it will take some tough work on both your parts. You describe yourself as a "smooth sailing kind of couple – we get along very well, rarely argue or fight." That, I suspect is part of the problem. You were both so invested in keeping the peace and being one of those couples who just gets along and never fights that you didn't talk about a big issue that was undermining your marriage, your lack of intimacy. Further, when you use that word in your post, it sounds like you're referring to sexual intimacy, but I suspect it applies more broadly to include emotional intimacy as well. If you don't feel safe talking to each other about the things that are upsetting you, that's a pretty big wall to the kind of deeper emotional connection you need for a truly happy marriage.

I realize that all sounds discouraging, but it shouldn't be. Those are issues you can fix/improve if you're both committed to it and willing to do the uncomfortable work to make it happen. Just go into it knowing that it's going to be hard and uncomfortable at times and that you might feel worse before you feel better so it doesn't surprise you and make you think it's hopeless.[/quote]

OP here.  Thank you for this.  FWIW, I asked him and he came clean with as much detail as I wanted.  [b]He feels awful, can't sleep,[/b] realizes he has betrayed his best buddy AND his wife in one fell swoop.[/quote]

This sounds manipulative to me. He's playing up how he feels, and how his actions are making him sleepless, instead of focusing on the effect on you. He sounds like a dick still caught up in the selfishness of an affair - it's all about him.[/quote]

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