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[quote=Anonymous]This is certainly a common thing, where people get muddled up in their needs and feelings, and don't manage the boundaries of their close relationships appropriately. "I love my best friend, I love his wife, I love my wife. Something's missing in my life, and my wife and I never address anything emotionally intimate or difficult, so I'm mindlessly glomming onto one of my loved people to fill the void."

You're going to have to start talking to each other in a more open, raw way, on a regular basis. On his part, he's done a lot of damage with all these key people in his life, so he has a huge amount of work to do to try to repair and make amends to every one of you.

This isn't happening in a vacuum, so how his best friend and his affair partner handle things will affect everything, too.

For you, OP, you're in shock, as has been said, and it's early days. You will have a lot of feelings and thoughts, and you need to let yourself feel your emotions before you jump on them to intellectualize, analyze, and focus on positive solutions.

It will take a long time to work through this, and it won't be easy, but I think you guys can do it.

Just don't fall into the trap of trying to rush it, or brush things under the rug. That's what got you all here. [/quote]

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