Reply to If you're married but still carry a torch for someone

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It’s about your own lost youth, OP. You’re mourning the loss of the young person you were when you were with that guy all those years ago. It’s a common thing.[/quote]

Exactly. I don't think it's anything to feel guilty about, it's nostalgia. You know, logically, that if you were really with this guy day in and day out for decades, the spell would be long broken. And you'd probably miss and wonder about your now-husband from time to time! The mind is funny [/quote]

Yes x 1000.  Settle down with someone and it would be the same as with DH.

You aren't alone - it's very common to feel this way.  The ex(es) represent that youthful, easy, no responsibility time of life, which we all long for a bit when we are saddled with mortgages, saving for retirement and college, the list goes on.  Middle age is hard and, sometimes, we kind of want a vacation back to our youth.  Maybe this calls for a stress free vacay - all inclusive or a place where you can afford staff to cook for you etc.  Or spend that money on a house cleaner or other service to ease your daily burdens.

Of course, you also appreciate this person (or memory of him) like PP does the Columbian lady - nothing sinister about that, IMO.  The idea that there is someone in this world who appreciates you for you is also pretty nice.  Who wouldn't enjoy feeling appreciated by someone?  Maybe a chat with DH about doing a better job at making each other feel valued?  If DH made you feel appreciated, you probably wouldn't have needed to write this post?  Showing our spouses appreciation drops off easily when we are all scurrying with massive to-do lists (by contrast, showing scorn or criticism seems to rise in parallel with the to-do list).  Esp when you are divvying up child care and other responsibilities.  [/quote]

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