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[quote=Anonymous]My husband cheated and things will never be the same w/his family ever since. But they've been pretty toxic to me almost all of 30 years together; as horrible as his emotional and physical affair was - and yes, dude, it's the pits to be cheated on... worse in some ways than having a loved one die... the one upside is it freed me from trying to be accepted or loved anymore w/his people. For years, I tried, doubted myself, tried again, got rejected, never cherished by them.. they are toxic to one another and to outsiders especially. After his affair came out... they were even more awful to me. Their true colors came through loud and clear. I told him directly - I'm done w/your family. I won't reject them completely but I don't go out of my way to spend any quality time with them anymore.  His toxic behavior from affair isn't in vacuum - I always thought he was different than them... had transcended their lousy behavior but I guess not.  We are trying to work things out but they'll never be the same. I did ask him to write apology letters to my mom and siblings for treating me so poorly. Maybe you should do that. To his credit, he did that. But I feel as if I've had a huge weight lifted off my shoulder since now I don't feel guilty or wrong not being around his family. I'm free in this respect.  Even the worse events in life has some blessings. But yes, I'd agree with many here - take your medicine and don't assume she "played up" the hurt and devastation to her family;  that's still blaming her for your affair and your poor behavior and  rejecteding, abandoning your wife during your  emotional affair. If you were grown up enough man to cheat on her, then your are a grown ass enough man to make amends to her and her family and face the consequences of your actions.  Grow up and behave like a loyal, cherishing man to your wife and  her her family will make their own conclusions. You can only control your own behaviors. Just remember - talk is cheap, actions speak more than words and verbal promises. Imagine she was YOUR daughter and you found out her spouse cheated on her...  how would you feel about a son-in-law doing that? Not so easy, is it? You've got a long road ahead but you made this mess, so time to get out the mop or swifter and keep cleaning it up.  Peace. [/quote]

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