Reply to How to just accept extremely frugal husband

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP why didn't you do the compromises (countertops) that you mentioned? what is stopping you?[/quote]

Like I said, I want him to go along willingly and not grudgingly. I know, my hangup.[/quote]

For a data point, I've learned that my spouse saying "Fine just do it" or something like that is not them "agreeing grudgingly" in the usual sense of not really meaning it - it's an attempt to reconcile their fear of spending money (and history of being frugal) with their internal acknowledgment that the work needs to be done. It allows the issue to be fixed without them being the person to "spend" the money. It's a win-win in our house. When I get the "fine just do it" I do exactly that.  In the beginning I got a little push back along the lines of "well I was mad when I said that I didn't really mean it" but after I explained that a rational marriage cannot withstand such irrationality, it actually became a way to get things done and everyone is happy. This is just my experience, I thought I'd offer it in case it could help. [/quote]

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