Reply to My 30 something brother is homeless and is ruining everyone's lives

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Reply to "My 30 something brother is homeless and is ruining everyone's lives"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
You brother has been making destructive decisions all his life, and only he will have the power to change it.
Your parents have also been making destructive decisions throughout his life through their enabling, and again, only they have the power to change it.
The ONLY think you have power over in this situation is the protection of your children. That is not only in your power, it is your absolutely primary responsibility. They do not have free agency in this situation, only the adults. You must protect them.
[/quote]
Snipping this out, because it is such an important point. I was going to post about recognizing where you do/don't have power, and this puts it very well. This is a horrible situation, and I understand why it's so difficult for OP. And while I haven't dealt with drug addiction in my family, we were on the verge of having my ILs become homeless due to FIL's very poor decision-making (that was fueled by a gambling problem). Though I was worried about the impacts on us, I was actually willing to do quite a bit for ILs. DH, instead, drew a very narrow boundary of being willing to do just enough to keep a roof over their heads. Something I couldn't imagine wanting for my parents, nor DH for his, but something he knew through experience would be the only way to take care of his parents without enabling more of FIL's destructive behavior.

For a couple of reasons it didn't work out that way, but I think DH's instincts were right to focus on keeping his obligations to must-haves. He wanted to do everything he could to keep a roof over his parents head. He didn't have the power to make them take advantage of additional luxuries he could provide, but he did have the power to prevent himself from feeling taken advantage of.[/quote]

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