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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Reply to "DH doesn’t want to spend time with my family and was rude about it"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here. Well I thought people may be more supportive, I guess not.[/quote] Let's see if addressing your comments individually will help the answers sink in. The DCUM peanut gallery is supportive that you want to spend some time with your family. The problem is that you have taken this to an abnormal extreme. Unless your husband is in agreement with you, spending more than one or two weekends a month is unreasonable and demanding on your part. [quote]It’s very hurtful to have someone completely uninterested in spending any time with my family. He tells me he wants children and his interest will shift when he has his own child, and maybe he will be more interested in spending time with my family then.[/quote] Again you are taking this to an unreasonable exreme. He is not "completely uninterested in spending any time with your family". He has already spent time with your family, as much as he is willing to spend, and you think he should spend more. You need to grow up and learn that family relationships evolve. You are still stuck in the high school frame of mind that you do everything with your family. While that may be acceptable when you are young and single, you are now older and married. You made a commitment to your husband which you are not keeping up. You are dragging him into your family of origin, but you aren't building a family or relationship with him. [quote]A couple days have blown over since our last discussion about this, I asked him if he wanted to visit my niece to see her in his Halloween costume to which he said flat out “No.”[/quote] So, you've pushed him with overexposure to your family to the point where he's argued with you over it and your response is "ready to spend more time with my family?" How about this. Schedule two weekends a month interacting with your husband without your family around. Make that the norm. If you spend two weekends in a month with your family, then decline further invitations until the next month. That's a more normal response than "hey, are you finally over it? let's go spend more time with my family!". You need to learn some empathy and compassion because right now, you aren't showing much. [quote]No explanation. Nothing. He’d rather sit on the couch and be anti-social all the time. I told him I was upset about this, and he told me I was free to go. To which he followed up with this giant bomb: “If you wanted or expected me to want to spend as much time with your family as you do, you shouldn’t have married me.” Now we’re not speaking. [/quote] Well, he's right. You aren't willing to grow up and move out from your family. You aren't ready to make a new family with your husband because you are still too tied up to your original family. If you can't loosen up and learn to spend more time with your husband without your family, then it would be best if you let him go so that he can find someone who is interested in spending time with him. You are much too invested in your family to be married. [/quote]
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