Reply to DH doesn’t want to spend time with my family and was rude about it

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here. Well I thought people may be more supportive, I guess not.

It’s very hurtful to have someone completely uninterested in spending any time with my family. He tells me he wants children and his interest will shift when he has his own child, and maybe he will be more interested in spending time with my family then.

A couple days have blown over since our last discussion about this, I asked him if he wanted to visit my niece to see her in his Halloween costume to which he said flat out “No.”

No explanation. Nothing. He’d rather sit on the couch and be anti-social all the time. I told him I was upset about this, and he told me I was free to go. To which he followed up with this giant bomb:

“If you wanted or expected me to want to spend as much time with your family as you do, you shouldn’t have married me.”

Now we’re not speaking. [/quote]

The problem is not that he doesn't want to spend time with your family.  The problem is that you've abused his good will.  Spending time with your family once or twice a month is already generous on his part.  You've made it every week and you don't seem to get the notion that you're spending way too much time with your family.  If you need to spend this much time with your family, you're not ready to be married.  You're trying to merge him into your existing family instead of building a new family with him.  That's not normal.  It happens in some ethnic families, but it's not so common in American families.  I understand.  I'm American-born Chinese and I've seen many immigrant families who try to do this, but it happens much less frequently in American-born generations.

You need to give him a break.  Try spending at most two occasions a month with your family and spending the rest building a family with your spouse rather than trying to drag him into your family of origin and you might find your relationship improving.  If not, let him go, because you really don't sound like you are ready to be married.[/quote]

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