Reply to When did you get over your spouse's affair? Or did you?

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[quote=Anonymous]OP- I am in your exact same boat (very similar story except my husband had recently gone on a medication that exacerbated his latent issues with booze and removed seemingly all guilt from his mindset). I'm about two and a half years out. Things arent great, I won't lie, but I have for the most part gotten over the cheating in large part to individual therapy which worked REMARKABLY well at removing the need to learn every. last. little. detail and the constant obsessions over the other woman from my life. I dont care about her anymore, and don't care or even really think about them. But what Ive been left with are that the two of us just really dont get along. I respect him less, dont trust him generally with "'life stuff-finances, making good parenting choices, etc) and have separated emotionally from him to protect myself (he can be pretty emotionally abusive and is just generally a pill) and he acts out to get my attention, even if its negative. I depserately want to make it work for the kids and because I think life would be way more difficult divorced, but our relationship is just insanely volatile, and the "good times" are basically just us being civil to eachother with no underlying tension or arguing. He says Im an unsupportive bitch, and I think he needs to grow up, acknowledge how insanely supportive Ive been through what would destroy most marriages, and earn trust and love like a normal person through being nice, being trustworthy and being an emotionally stable human being. Im tired of rewarding terrible behavior. I DIGRESS. Point is, a few years after the affair, things arent great, but not yet bad enough where Im willing to uproot our lives. The upshot is that I dont think about the affair anymore (which after begging me to "seek help" for my jealousy so we could move forward, he now misses, as if it were an indication of love for him.) Trying to do the right thing can be really, really hard. Juries still out if its worth it.[/quote]

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