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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Harsh question: Why did you think your experience in Big Law would be different than those you've read about in Above the Law, etc.? Nothing that you've described is remotely outside the norm of expectations. It was foolish for you to try to attempt the impossible with young children. You need to get out now - or wait until you are given the boot with 3 months severance to find something more realistic for your stage in life.

I know this sounds mean, but I get so tired of my associates thinking the rules/expectations don't apply to them. I guarantee your partners feel the same about you.[/quote]

+10000

What, Op, did you really think you could "have it all?"  Guess the jokes on you. [/quote]

Law firms are dishonest in this regard, and law students are naive. I worked for a firm that billed itself as the top family-friendly firm in the area, even to having a day care on site. Wasn't family friendly in the least. Day care closed at 6, and woe to the attorney who was working on a filing at 6 and had to stop to get her kids. Having it on site made it worse because then pickup was inconvenient for the spouse. All the young female attorneys I knew who had kids at the firm either didn't come back -- despite very generous maternity leave -- or left after a year or two. I knew only one female partner with kids; the rest didn't have kids and most weren't even married. The male partners all had stay at home wives. I saw the writing on the wall and left after 3 years (plus prior clerkship) to take a GS-13 job at a dinky government agency, making less than half my law firm salary. Had 2 kids in government and worked my way to GS-15 supervisory attorney in 7 years. The job isn't sexy but it's about as family-friendly as a litigating position can get.

Over the years I've served as a summer mentor to women from my law school. Without exception, they all think they will be different and will make law firms work for them and their family goals. They don't believe me when I suggest that it might be more difficult than they think. Law schools and law firms tell them they can do it. (Just like law school, at least when I was in school in the mid-aughts, said don't worry about your loans because you will easily pay them back. Hahaha.) I'm sure some women manage to do it, but it's pretty rare that they do it well and happily. Some do, but most don't.

And that goes for men too. My husband got out of biglaw a year before I did, for the same reasons, and also went to government. We are both very busy and feel like every moment is scheduled, between 2 jobs, 45 minute-1 hour commutes, day care for 4 year old and 6 month old, making dinner, housework, etc. And we both agree there is no way in hell we could have done this and stayed afloat if either of us -- much less both of us -- were still at a firm.

So, OP, my advice for you is to get out. It's unlikely you'll be fired this year for 1800 hours, but you're not making an impression as a top dog either, nor does it sound like it's working for you on a personal level. Do your best over the next year and do some serious job searching.  [/quote]

But how can law students remain so naive when the information is readily available? There are cautionary tales of big law washouts everywhere these days. I truly don't understand why people don't believe that a job paying $180k to start will be difficult. Of COURSE you are going to have to work long hours and NO it's not family friendly.  [/quote]

They hear what they want to hear. Many of us do in one way or another. [/quote]

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