Reply to Refusal to change your last name makes me question your committment!!

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[quote=Anonymous]Thirties here, and amomg my (NE) boarding school and Ivy League college friends, I think it split around 40/60, with the smaller percentage taking their husbands' names, usually by making their maiden name into their middle name.

OP, on so many levels, I'd feel concerned in your shoes. I'd worry that his stance reveals his hidden subscription to other outdated or old-fashioned gender norms having to do with childrearing and domestic work. I'd worry that his adamant stance suggests an inflexibility and lack of compassion that would plague us in every instance of disagreement. Above all, I'd worry about what else he'd managed to keep hidden from me until now.

He clearly thinks you want to marry him enough to abandon something very important to you. But do you? Do you want to marry someone who would ask such a thing of you, knowing how unhappy it made you?

I suggest counseling. At best, he's concerned about the question of future children having a different name than their mother (or concerned you'd want to give them your name), and those concerns can be addressed and discussed and allayed. At worst... be glad you're discovering this aspect of him now, because a broken engagement is far easier to manage than a broken marriage, even though it must feel gutting at present to contemplate.[/quote]

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