Reply to Putting 6yo in Closet at Bedtime--Too Much?

Forum Index » Elementary School-Aged Kids

Reply to "Putting 6yo in Closet at Bedtime--Too Much?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]6yo DC can be a handful. Always pushing boundaries and asking for more.  During the day, it's easy to set boundaries by changing the subject, talking it out, etc.  But at bedtime, I can't say "Hey, we already talked about that. No, you can't have one more XX...hey, let's see if Larla is at the park!"  At bedtime, I also can't talk out why he can't have one more kiss; it will never, ever end.

So, I am firm and we are done w/bedtime at 8 sharp. 95% of the time, it's no problem.  Then 5% of the time, DC will insist he's scared/not tired/cold/hot.  He'll really work himself up over it.  If I thought he was really scared or whatever, I'd comfort him. But [b]given that this only happens when he's onery about not getting another hug or kiss[/b], I think it's a power play[b]. He gets worked up and starts screaming, crying.  Part of me wants to comfort him, but my brain says not to set a bad precedent.  So, I tell him he can stay in his room (I  let him choose to read), but he cannot wake the rest of the house[/b].  He must be quiet. OR, he goes in the closet for 1 minute.  He hates the closet.  It's dark.

Anyway, [b]I threaten him a couple times, then in the closet he goes.  After 2-3 times repeating this, he finally goes to bed.[/b]

I don't do corporal punishment and [b]mostly do things straight out of the positive parenting books[/b]. So, this doesn't sit well with me. Part of me says, this is too harsh. The other part says, we can't go back to the bad old days of him weaseling his way into staying up way too late.  This is the only way that's worked for us.

What do you guys think?
[/quote]

He's 6 - so, 1st grade? Kindergarten? It's the beginning of the school year, and that throws kids off sometimes. Also, has anything happened recently that could have upset him more than you expected it to?

You say that he throws a fit over not getting an extra hug/kiss. What does the rest of your bedtime routine look like? Is it rushed? Do you read to him before turning the lights out? I used to snuggle in bed and read to my son before tucking him in (and yes, sometimes he wanted extra hugs and kisses, or to go to the bathroom ONE last time (a hundred times it seemed), or get a drink, or whatever. It's stall tactics, I get it. BUT - letting him get to the point of totally worked up (screaming, crying, etc) just delayed bedtime even longer than the stall tactics. So, I gave up.

By giving up, I would say, "I will give you 3 kisses, and then you need to go to bed" and then I would walk out of the room, leave it open a crack so that there was some light, and that was it. If he got up to go to the bathroom/get a drink/whatever, he had to tuck himself back in.

The key to this working is that YOU must stay calm. If you are agitated, he's going to pick up on that. Do you have a partner who can take over when you get frustrated? (I'm a single parent, so I understand if you don't - it took a lot for me to learn to stay calm, and I had to leave the room a few times to have a drink of water or a piece of chocolate or something).

[b]Something that is probably amping up the dramatics is that he knows that he's going to be put in the closet, and he's scared, but he doesn't know how to calm down.[/b] So you have to commit to stop putting him in the closet, and TELL HIM that you are going to stop. And then you have to follow through. The crying will get worse before it gets better, but once he realizes that you aren't going to put him in the closet, he will stop. And - when he does get that worked up - GIVE HIM A HUG. It costs you nothing. It doesn't diminish your parenting. It doesn't make him respect you less. Hugs and kisses and cuddles are GOOD for kids. So please, stop thinking its spoiling him, at that point in the evening, sleep is the goal - so whatever gets you there faster. He's SIX, he will mature so much in the next few years and this will become a distant memory.[/quote]

So much this.  Even adults can have a hard time calming themselves down.  Little kids are still learning how to do this.  They get upset, they can't calm down, and that freaks them out even more.

And[b] I simply do not believe that you will spoil a child by giving him a hug when he's upset.[/b]  You might spoil him by giving into his demands for things he shouldn't have or you don't want him to have, but[b] physical affection to help calm a crying child is not going to spoil him[/b].  [/quote]

I'm the PP right before you, and I agree with the bolded 100%. OP, hugging a child WILL NOT spoil them. Just like holding a baby WILL NOT spoil them. They are little, and learning, and NEED physical affection to thrive. All the research backs this up. Stop withholding physical affection.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics