Reply to Is this depression or normal in seeing my kids grow up and start their own lives?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My mom was you OP. SAHM to 4 kids. She absolutely loved being a mother and raising kids. It was what she saw as her strength and her calling and what she wanted to do.

She had a very difficult time when we left home and she had an empty nest. She initially tried to other other people who didn't have family support and while that may have been beneficial in some ways, it got her into some very unhealthy dynamics. Then my brother had kids and she tried to be too over involved as grandma as a way of still being the nurturing mom. That didn't go well. She drifted about a bit lost for a few years. We tried to get her involved in all kinds of things but all she wanted to do was be a mother. She tried foster parenting but that didn't go well either.

In the end, my sister had kids and she has health problems and they depend heavily on my parents for help. As much as it exhausts my other to be caring for preschoolers, she loves being needed to raise these kids.

All that to say...definitely prepare now. figure out what you need and find other ways to meet those needs. Develop other interests and other connections and who you are as a woman vs as a mom.[/quote]

Are you in my family, ha ha...?

Anyways, another poster here saying ditto to the above.

I'm a young mom, like some of the others here. I find it interesting because I wonder what I will be like when I am in your spot. There are some days I have to remind myself that the really hard stuff is part of the package, and I'll miss it--even the hard stuff--when they're grown.

But I also see my family, my mom and my mil, reflected in the PP's statement above.

My advice to them, to you:
1) focus on your health. Keep those joints strong and protected. Stay active. Be able to do the short hike, the day at Disneyworld, the trudge from the car to the beach. Notice I said short hike. No one needs you to start a running regimen! But my mom and mil have missed out on a lot, because they cannot even do little physical exertion. Or if they try, they break a bone/lag behind/experience a lot of pain. 
This is a great way to focus your attention away from the kids and back to you. 
2) when you have sils, let them take over on things they want to take over. (Sorry, this is a whole other huge discussion). While you're waiting for those ILs, practice being flexible, and more important, practice open communication.
3) be someone your family wants to be around. (Conversely, don't be someone your family dislikes being around). Just like in your relationships when you were younger/dating, you can't come off as too needy or desperate without driving people away. Have something interesting going on for yourself, and it will attract more.
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